The Washing of the Water
by MadamePlume
Summary: This takes place immediately postRENT. How do the friends and family of Mimi Marquez deal with her near death experience? All couples canon. Mention of past BennyMimi. Maybe future MarkOC. Chapter 10 is up!
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I don't own RENT. However I do own Carmen.**_**   
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_**December 24**__**th**__** 11pm EST**_

The phone rang out and the young girl gave a start. She had been sitting on her bed, curled up with a good book – a sad way to welcome Christmas, but she wasn't in the mood for associating with her step-mother's friends and that's where the rest of the household were. It took her a moment to realize it was her cell, and not the house phone that was ringing. She padded over, wrapping her blanket around her shoulders and picked it up."Hello?"  
"Carmen Marquez?"  
"Yes…" Carmen took her place back on her bed. She didn't recognize the voice on the other line.  
"This is Nurse Jacobson, I'm from-" Carmen barely heard the name of the hospital as she began to panic. _Please don't be the kind of call I think this is…_ "…concerning your sister Miranda."  
"Mimi." She corrected automatically.  
"I beg your pardon?"  
"Mimi. We, uh, we call her Mimi. Everyone calls her Mimi."  
"Right." The nurse seemed confused about the trivial bit of information. "The 911 call was made by her friends about an hour ago. She arrived about 30 minutes ago. She's listed you as her emergency contact." Carmen's heart was pounding. _She's still alive. I have to get over there._  
"I'll be there as soon as possible."  
"Thank you." Without another word Carmen hung up and immediately dialed another number. The phone on the other end of the line rang for 20 seconds. Carmen was about to hang up, cursing, when a deep voice came on  
"Hello?" there was a party in the background.  
"Hey, it's me."  
"Carmen?" he sounded confused, but concern immediately took over. "What's happened?"  
"It's Mimi."  
"I'm on my way."

Carmen wrote a not to her father explaining that she was leaving and that she wasn't coming home. There would be hell to pa from her step-mother, but Carmen didn't care anymore about getting into trouble. She was old enough to take care of herself, and had promised years ago to always be there for Mimi. In the past 5 years – since Mimi ran away – Carmen had felt powerless in her sister's downward spiral. She was able to provide kind words of comfort over the phone despite her aversion to the job Mimi worked and her disapproval of her drug habit but nothing more. Now, as she packed everything she could carry, she felt that she could finally fulfill her promise completely and to her very best ability. She was aware of Mimi's new family in Alphabet City, and was grateful to them, but a lot of them would eventually fall sick as well and then who would Mimi have?  
A horn beeped from outside, Carmen gave the house one last sweeping look, and then stepped out onto the pavement ready to face whatever it was she was getting herself into.

At the hospital, Roger Davis sat waiting. His head was hung low and fresh tears were spilling from his bright green eyes. Mark and Collins sat either side of him with one arm each draped around his shoulders. Mimi had been taked away to be tested and treated, but no one who worked there would breathe another word to them. Maureen, who was now with Joanne getting everyone hot drinks, had put up a fight at the reception desk when they were told no one besides a spouse or family member could have information on Mimi's progress."We're the only family she's got!" the young diva cried, causing a few other patrons to look up. The nurse behind the desk showed little sympathy.  
"We've called a blood relative that Miss Marquez advised us to call in an emergency. Please take a seat." She turned her attention to another woman. Joaane place her hand on Maureen's waist and guided her away.  
"C'mon Mo."  
"This is bullshit! Who the hell is this relative?! Why haven't we heard of anyone until now?!"  
"I don't know." Joanne replied, sounding drained. "I suppose we'll find out soon enough."  
When the couple reappeared the men took their drinks with expressions of gratitude. Roger used his to warm his hands rather than consumption. Silence ensued. All they could do was wait.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Thanks for the reviews, guys! Hope you all like this chapter!

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Benny pulled up at the hospital. Carmen didn't bother taking anything but her cell and purse when she climbed out of the Range Rover. She didn't wait for Benny, but rushed inside."I'm Carmen Marquez, here for Mimi," she said to the nurse before correcting herself. "For Miranda, I mean."  
"Someone will be with you in a minute. Your friends are over there." She told Carmen, indicating to a group of unseen people over her shoulder. Collins noticed the nurse pointing at their group and perked up a little.  
"Guys, someone's here for Mimi." Everyone's eyes darted over to Carmen, who stopped in her tracks. At that moment, Benny caught up with her and ushered her to them. No one looked pleased to see either of them. Carmen understood what she thought was animosity towards Benny from what she had been told by her sister in the past year, but was taken aback by the vibes of resentment she could feel directed at herself. She looked each of them in the eye; each of them was instantly recognizable. Collins, Roger, Mark, Maureen and Joanne in that order. They were just how Mimi had described them and their personalities shone through their eyes even though they said nothing. Carmen's gaze lingered on Roger and she felt a surge of anger that he was there after abandoning Mimi. When she noticed his tear-stained cheeks, she couldn't help but feel a little smug.  
Before anything could be said between them, a doctor came over and whisked Carmen away. The group turned on Benny, speaking at once.  
"Who is that?  
"Why is she here?"  
"What's going on?" Benny held up his hands to silence them.  
"Guys, stop. I'm here because that girl," he pointed towards the door Carmen had been taken through, "Carmen – _Mimi's sister_ – called me. She's Mimi's emergency contact… why didn't anyone call me?" he asked, referring to Mimi being found.  
"We didn't really have time. Everything happened so fast." Mark answered.  
"Where was she?"  
"In the park."  
"Jesus… is she alright?"  
"We almost lost her, but Angel sent her back." Benny turned to Collins, feeling a rush of affection for the deceased drag queen. Collins sent him a watery smile and then gestured to the empty seat beside him, which Benny took. After a few minutes, he spoke again.  
"How much more do you all know?"  
"Nothing. The fuckers won't tell us a damn thing."  
"They _can't_ Maureen." Joanne stressed.  
"But they can tell that… that _stranger_?"  
"She's Mimi's sister. She's not a stranger."  
"Then where has she been, huh? Where? This past year has been hell for Mimi and where the fuck has she been?" Carmen reappeared at Benny's side, obviously offended.  
"I've been at our father's place on my cell phone listening to her cry."  
"And you never thought to actually come and help her until she's on her death bed?" Carmen rounded on Maureen, eyes blazing, but Benny placed a hand on her shoulder and she grudgingly stepped down. The group fell quiet until Joanne spoke.  
"Carmen, how is she?"  
"She's scared and angry but otherwise fine. It's a chest cold, but teamed with withdrawal it's very painful for her. She can leave tomorrow with a whole bunch of medication if she stays stable tonight. They've moved her from intensive care into recovery, but we can't see her just yet."  
"Why not?"  
"They want to discuss a few things with her, and then me. You can all go in there for a little while after that, but she needs to rest." She looked at Roger. "Can I talk to you outside for a minute?" Startled, he nodded his head.  
"Uh, yeah. Yeah… okay."

Carmen led the way to a bench where they sat together, and she passed him a cigarette after she lit her own. "Thanks.""No problem. I'm sorry if I seemed angry at you before I went in. Mimi told me what happened tonight," Roger nodded, realizing that Carmen must've only known him as the guy who left Mimi. "Thank you for coming back." He nodded again and then turned to face his girlfriend's sister.  
Although he had seen her before, it wasn't until Roger looked at Carmen under the moonlight that he could appreciate how much they looked alike. They had the same skin tone, frame, hair colour and length, the same lips but most notably they had the same eyes. They were differences, of course; Carmen's looks were more youthful, her hair was straight, she had a slightly longer face and her nose was thinner – Mimi's looks though still very beautiful were ravaged by disease and drug abuse. What surprised Roger the most were the eyes – that same almond shape, chestnut colour and that same deep sadness masked by fire he had always assumed came from Mimi's experiences in Alphabet City. He found himself wondering what their childhood was like together when she interrupted his thoughts.  
"What are you staring at?" she had the same tone that Mimi had a year ago. Playful, knowing but still slightly curious.  
"Nothing. You look like your sister." She smiled, and Roger almost died – it was just one other quality Carmen and Mimi shared.  
"You look like you've seen a ghost." Roger snorted. _Smart girl_, he thought.  
"How was she?"  
"She was okay. I had no idea that it got that bad for her. The disease, I mean. I didn't know it could work so fast." Her eyes stung, and Roger studied her face.  
"She's learned to hide it well." Carmen sniffled and nodded. "She'll be fine. You know what she's like."  
"Roger, I think the problem is that she's not going to be fine. She's going to die. My sister's dying." Her voice cracked on the last word, and Roger saw a tear fall. _They must be close_, he told himself. He tentatively reached over and squeezed her shoulder. She took it as an invitation and moved closer to lean her head on his. He didn't want to talk. He knew what Carmen was saying was the truth and there was no point in trying to tell her anything different. If he did, the truth would eventually come out and he didn't want to be responsible for the shock of reality. Carmen looked young, but Roger gave her a little credit – if she looked so much like her sister, then maybe she was able to handle it as well as her sister.

"How are you holding up?"  
"Fine."  
"Found a song yet?" Roger was surprised at the question, and noticed a mischievous grin on Carmen's face. If Mimi had told Carmen what happened tonight, she would definitely have mentioned his song.  
"I think you know I have" he replied, pushing her away. Carmen burst into laughter and Roger sat frowning.  
"I'm sorry but it just seems so fucking corny."  
"Oh shut up, I'd like to see you do better!"  
"Are you gonna sing it to me, too? We have the same eyes, you know." She teased, batting her eyes at him.  
"Shut up, Carmen." She let out one final giggle, then apologized. Roger accepted. He was amazed at how quickly he was forming a bond with Carmen. She already felt like a little sister. As beautiful as she was, there was no attraction. He was for Mimi, and Mimi alone. But as much as there was no attraction, there was a connection that he was glad to have with her. He knew Mimi would be glad as well, and that made it all the more better to him.

"They're talking about a treatment for her addiction." Carmen told him, and Roger couldn't help but think that the exchange between them moments before was her attempt at buttering him up before bringing up a sticky subject.  
"What kind of treatment?"  
"Well… it's a little experimental… and it's very expensive" Roger opened his mouth to protest, but Carmen spoke over him. "Ever since I heard about it I've been saving up. Roger, eighty-five percent of people this treatment is administered to stay clean."  
"What about the rest?"  
"They stay clean for months, and then go back. The odds are good for Mimi. I want to help her. It's not so much a case of convincing her to do it; she wants to stop. She really does. She has a reason to stop, now you're back." Roger felt a familiar wave of guilt about leaving. "This is a case of getting her to accept the money. I need your help. This isn't Benny we're talking about. It's all my money. I'm not going to turn around in six month's time and tell her that she owes me, but she's had bad experiences borrowing off people. The doctor is telling her about the treatment now, and after he does he'll bring me in to tell her that I can do it. I want you to come, too. Back me up. Please."  
Roger leaned back to look into Carmen's eyes. Here was this girl who came blazing into their lives, and who is about to change everything. For good. _She really is like her sister._  
"Of course. Yeah, I'll back you up." Carmen let out a squeal and hugged Roger tightly.  
"Thank you!" They got up to go back inside. Carmen walked ahead. Roger kept his head low, and a thought occurred to him.  
"Carmen, how old are you?"  
"I'm nineteen." Roger grinned. _And old for her age…_


	3. Chapter 3

_**A/N: Thanks for the ongoing support! I'm taking this story kind of slow, not only with updates but with the actual pace of the story. The last story I did went really fast and I kind of lost my direction because I just didn't know where else to take it. Anyway, enjoy this new chapter. I know the title of the story hasn't played a role yet, but it will soon-ish**_.

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A little while later, Mimi had agreed to start treatment. It would be administered in the morning and she would have to go for check-ups every week following that. Out in the waiting room, Carmen sat waiting for Benny to finish his visit. She looked around at the painfully clinical walls, and remembered suddenly how much she hated hospitals. The forced silence drove her crazy, and the idea of being in the same building where people died made her feel sick. Unconsciously, Carmen began to shake her foot and tap her fingers on the arm rest. To others she must've looked like a junkie hanging for a fix, but the truth was that she was just anxious to get out of there – and anxious to get her older sister out as well.

The group trudged back into the waiting room and began saying their goodbyes. Joanne, Maureen and Collins were going back to Joanne's place and Mark and Roger were going to their loft. Carmen assumed that she would go home with Benny, but Roger turned to her and said "You coming, Carmen?"  
"Oh!" she exclaimed, eyes wide. "Um, yeah."  
"It's up to you. We only have a couch, unless you want to sleep at your sister's place."  
"It's empty, Mark."  
"Oh, yeah… well we have the couch, if you're okay with that."  
"Sure, I can sleep anywhere as long as I have something like a pillow."  
"Will a rolled up jacket do?"  
"It certainly will." Benny looked at Carmen, confused.  
"Carmen, I have a bed for you."  
"Yeah but Roger's place is closer to the hospital."  
"Suit yourself. I'll get your stuff."  
"Thanks, Benny."

Collins, Maureen and Joanne left as Benny headed out to his car to gather Carmen's things. Carmen poked her head into Mimi's room one last time – Mimi was sleeping – before loading herself up with her various possessions. The four friends started their walk to the building, and Mark took the opportunity to ask some questions that had been swirling around in his mind since Carmen walked in the door of the emergency room.  
"So you're younger than Mimi?"  
"Yes. I'm younger than her by a year."  
"And you've been living with your father?"  
"Yeah" she began walking backwards to face him as she talked, "my father left my mother after Mimi ran away. A whole heap of stuff happened that was pretty upsetting for him, so he up and left and took me with him."  
"What kind of stuff?"  
"Oh, it doesn't really matter." The truth was that it did matter very much, as the past was traumatizing for both of the sisters, but this wasn't the time nor the place to be talking about it. Besides, if Mimi hadn't told them by now, she in all likelihood didn't want them to know. Mark noticed her hesitation and took it as a cue to stop asking questions, but Carmen continued, not wanting to put him off. "It was just kind of hard to deal with at the time and I don't feel like talking about it right now. Maybe another time… when I know you for more than just a few hours." She smiled, and Mark relaxed with the knowledge that he hadn't offended her.  
"How do you know Benny?" Carmen faced Benny with a devilish grin. His eyes widened in fear and he cautioned her about saying anything. Feeling a little rebellious, Carmen raised her eyebrow at him before speaking.  
"Oh, Daisy Boy over here?" Benny let out a loud groan as Mark and Roger roared with laughter at Carmen's nickname for him. "He turned up at our doorstep with a bunch of daisies. I was ever so delighted, but had no idea who he was or why he was giving me flowers. It took me a while to realize he thought I was Mimi, and I had to break it to him that she didn't live with us. We've been friends ever since!" Carmen pinched Benny's cheek and he rolled his eyes. "The best thing was when he was chased off the porch by our neighbour. Turns out the daisies were from her garden!"

Mark and Roger roared with laughter once more and they passed a homeless man, who asked them for some money. Carmen reached into her purse and pulled out five dollars. A couple of other homeless people were heading over. "You share that," she instructed him and he practically fell over himself with gratitude.  
"I'll polish your shoes!"  
"What? No! Just…" she handed him fifty dollars, and his eyes bulged out of his head. She felt a pang of guilt that he probably hadn't seen that amount of money in a long time, if ever, and that she could produce and give it away so easily. "Look, just take your friends and get a hot meal."  
"Thank you."  
"You're welcome. Take care, okay?"

Mark and Roger looked just as amazed as the homeless man, who was now rushing away with his friends, but Benny frowned at her.  
"Carmen, you can't do that." He scolded. "Now every time they see you they're gonna expect something."  
"So what? I've got money."  
"And you've just left home, so you need it to survive."  
"I'll get another job." Roger snorted, though Carmen knew it wasn't because he had little faith in her – it was because he had little faith in the city.  
"Good luck with that."  
"Why thank you, Roger Davis that's very kind of you." Roger went to continue, but Mark spoke over him.  
"You left home?" He looked concerned, and Carmen had the distinct feeling that he was worried about having yet another mouth to feed. She didn't blame him. Over the past year, it was Mark that she felt the worst for. The poor guy was supporting so many people other than himself, and had to feel as though he was selling his soul to do it. On top of that, he had to deal with his friends being ridden with disease and had to try to get over Maureen. She identified with his feelings of helplessness, and often at times felt like going over to the city just to give him a hug. She gave him a reassuring look.  
"I left home to help look after Mimi. I have enough money to pay for her treatment and enough left over to live off until I find a job." Mark nodded slowly, skeptical, but not wanting to bring down the young girl's optimism.  
"I'll take care of your rent for a while," said Benny. Carmen scoffed, earning her a glare.  
"Can we get that in writing?"  
"What is this 'we'?"  
"Shut up, Roger."  
"Right. Yeah can we get that in writing?" Benny rolled his eyes.  
"If you must."  
"Oh, we must." Roger nudged Mark.  
"You hear this? 'We' again. It's like she thinks we're all roomies now."  
Mark kept silent, but she saw the ghost of a smirk on his face so decided to poke him.  
"Ow!"  
"Oh, you pussy, it wasn't like I poked you hard." He frowned at her, rubbing the spot her finger had made contact. "Where the hell are we?" she asked, looking around curiously. Her question was answered when Mark lead the way into a run-down building. She let her eyes roam the place, soaking it in. _So this is where my sister lives… this is where all the stories happened._

It was like stepping into a book. When the door to the loft slid open, she felt as though she had entered a world of make-believe. Her eyes fell on the table and she remembered that Angel had jumped up there and played a drum beat on the pipes. Her eyes slid upwards to the pipes and a smile crossed her face. Next, she looked at the window out to the fire escape, where her sister had climbed through begging Roger to take her out. The projector was still out. Carmen thought of Mark's film and what he had sacrificed to make it. She found the hotplate, and stifled a giggle at the thought of Mark's mom. Roger's guitar was propped up against the metal table. Tears sprang up in Carmen's eyes as she pictured her sister deathly ill on the table, Roger singing desperately to her. She grabbed the doorframe for support. In the background Mark, Roger and Benny were talking her through the loft and everything in it. She couldn't hear them, but it didn't matter. Mimi's descriptions over the phone were immaculate. A candle discarded on the floor caught Carmen's eye and she fought tears again.

She couldn't hold it any longer when she noticed a red shirt on the floor. She knew the shirt had belonged to Angel, whom Carmen had seen many pictures of and spoken to several times on the phone. Startled, Benny approached her. It was as though he were approaching a strange, wounded animal; he had never seen Carmen upset. Carmen rushed past him and picked up the shirt. She clutched it to her heart, sobbing for Angel and for her sister. She cried for Collins, Roger, Mark, Maureen and Joanne. For the first time in a year, she let herself cry for them.

After a stunned silence, Roger joined her on the floor and wrapped his jacket around her. Mark kept his distance, but looked concerned for Carmen all the same. As much as she tried, Carmen couldn't stop crying. She cried and cried until she finally fell asleep against Roger's shoulder. Benny helped Mark turn the couch into some sort of a bed for her so Roger could gently place her on it. Benny left for home, promising to come by the next day to check on both girls.

Mark watched Carmen sleep. She seemed restless and had the trace of a frown on her face. He wondered how long she had held onto the pain that she expressed earlier; how long she had kept those tears in and why she would do it. There was certainly more to her than met the eye, and he found himself determined to discover what lay beneath the surface. He pulled out his camera and filmed her until Roger scolded him.  
"You're gonna wake her up."  
"Right. Well, I'm going to bed."  
"Yeah, me too. 'Night."  
"'Night, Roger." He looked at his watch. It was 3am. "Merry Christmas."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: Okay people, the title plays its role now! I hope you all like it. There's a little bit of an anachronsm in here, I think... but I'm sure it's only by a couple of years if at all. Keep in mind that it's 1997, not 1989.**

**Also, I just want to express my disgust at whoever this Falling April person is. It is NOT OKAY to flood this place with twenty little stories at a time. It's completely uncool and inconsiderate to others who would like to stay on the front page for at least a day. Not impressed at all. I'm not even going to read her stories now.**_**  
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_**December 27**__**th**__** 9am EST**_

Benny and Roger staggered inside and flopped down on the floor beside Mimi, who was huddled in a mass on blankets on the couch.  
"Tired?" she asked, an amused smile playing on her lips. The men grunted back at her.  
The loft was being rearranged to fit Carmen and Mimi. There had always been four bedrooms in the loft, which were once occupied by Mark, Maureen, Benny, Roger and Collins. Eventually, as everyone left, Mark and Roger took one room each leaving the other two to be Roger's music room and Mark's film room.  
Now, to accommodate the two girls, there was to be a big change. Mark and Roger would keep their rooms, with Mimi moving in to share with Roger. Roger's music room was to move to Mark's film room and Carmen would take the old music room. Mark's film room was to be relocated downstairs in Mimi's old apartment. Mark was quite happy with the plans, because he preferred to be on his own when he worked and it would have been hard to achieve that with a full house.  
Along with all the moving around of the old stuff, there was the moving in of Carmen and Mimi's belongings. Benny and Roger had snuck into Mr. Marquez's home while he was at work to steal away Carmen's things and left a note from Carmen explaining where her entire room's contents had gone. Mimi's clothes and various other things were gathered from where Benny had put them in storage months ago. Everything was almost done now; the girls just had to put their clothes away in their closets.

Meanwhile, Mark and Carmen – being the only two who lived there with money – had gone shopping for groceries. Carmen had been cooking and cleaning for the past couple of days, and also made a huge fuss over Mimi. Mimi ordinarily would find anyone mothering her extremely irritating, but for some reason when it was Carmen she lapped up the extra attention. Mark found it amusing, seeing as Carmen was the younger sister; it seemed as if they had swapped roles. As they strolled home with their arms full of food, Mark asked her about it.  
"You know, Mimi's a very free spirited girl. She normally won't let anyone help her." He commented, hoping she would understand that he was actually asking a question.  
"We've always been really close. I've always looked after her." She noticed the look on his face, and continued. "You know what Mimi's like. She's wild and reckless and arrogant, and she gets herself into situations that she really shouldn't be in. Someone's got to be there to pick up the pieces, right?"  
"So she's always been this way?"  
"In some ways, yes. I mean, I never for one second thought she'd ever get into heavy drugs. I never thought she'd end up working at an S&M club… but she's always done things that weren't good for her. She had a smart mouth at home. She went out behind their backs, she smoked and drank and lied about it when she snuck in at 2am. She'd get into trouble a lot."  
"But she let you help her?"  
"Not really help her. She let me comfort her. When she was drunk I would clean her up and put her to bed. When our parents fought, she'd come into my room to sleep with me."  
"Sounds like you were the older sister."  
"She's a very wise girl. But yes, I was the older sister."  
"And you're doing it again."  
"I never really stopped. I just couldn't be there in person." She slid the door open and the pair walked past everyone, deep in conversation.  
"Why not?"  
"Well," they started to unpack to curious looks from the others, who weren't used to being ignored. "Mimi ran away and I went to live with my father. For about a year we would go and visit her but then she started getting into… well, you know. And my father met Laura. Laura told him she didn't want him 'associating with people like that'. To this day, I don't exactly understand what she meant by it. All I know is that from that day forward we didn't visit her together, and I wasn't allowed to go on my own."  
"But you're nineteen."  
"I know I'm nineteen."  
"You could've left a year ago."  
"No, I couldn't have. It's not as simple as picking up and leaving that house. Not after…" she trailed off, shaking her head. Mark watched her moving things around in the cupboard. He could've sworn he saw tears swimming in her eyes, but decided not to press the subject further. Thankfully, Mimi filled the uncomfortable silence.  
"Did you get my cookies?" A bag of cookies went flying over to her in response, and she squealed with delight. "Thank you!"  
"What about my-?" and a pack of Marlboros went flying over to Roger. "Thank you!"  
"Did you get anything for me?" asked Benny, trying his luck. Mark and Carmen told him no in unison, and Roger and Mimi laughed as they tucked into their gifts. "Thanks, Carmen. I've just been working my ass off all day for you."  
"Uh-huh. Got that paperwork?"  
"You were serious?"  
"Of course I was." Benny groaned and got to his feet. He announced that if he was going to get that paperwork, he'd have to leave. They said their goodbyes, and Benny left.

"I've only been asking for that paperwork every damn day." Carmen said irritably. Mimi threw a cookie at her. "What are you, four?"  
"Give him a break, you sound like Roger. He's been looking out for you for years."  
"I've been looking out for you for years, and you still throw things at me!" Mimi poked her tongue out at her sister. "Yep. Definitely four." She finished packing everything away and brought Mimi her new drug cocktail with a glass of water. Mimi swallowed it all down, and then pulled Carmen into her mass of blankets.  
"I'm so tired… Sing me my song?" Roger got up off the floor and retrieved his guitar. Carmen perked up; excited about hearing Your Eyes, but Mimi threw Roger a confused look. "No, Roger, not you. I want Carmen to sing me my song." It was Carmen's turn to look confused, and she held Mimi away from her to look into her eyes.  
"Meems, I don't know Your Eyes. And I'm pretty sure it's the kind of song you would rather hear from Roger."  
"Carmen, don't you remember my lullaby?"

The song that Mimi was talking about suddenly dawned on Carmen. The floodgates opened and a rush of memories hit her like a jet of water from a fire hose. All of a sudden, she and Mimi were nine and ten. Carmen was wrapping a bandage around Mimi's arm as Mimi wept."Shh. Mimi you have to be quiet or we'll get into trouble."  
"Carmen, it hurts so much." Mimi whispered back. Carmen unwrapped what she had started of the bandage and rubbed a clear lotion on the burn. Mimi shut her eyes blissfully. "That's so nice. So cold…" Carmen began to wrap the bandage around the wound once more, and Mimi sat patiently. It was almost completely dark in Carmen's bedroom. Mimi had snuck in minutes earlier. Outside, their parents were fighting. The sound of a glass smashing made Carmen's head snap up. She quickly hid Mimi in her closet and climbed into bed, pretending to sleep. The door was thrown open and Mrs. Marquez stomped over to Carmen's bed, pulling the covers off the small girl.  
"Get up!"  
"Hi, Momma." Carmen feigned sleepiness perfectly, but it didn't really matter as her mother was so drunk.  
"Your fucking father's made a mess in the kitchen."  
"Maria, did you have to-?"  
"Shut up, Tony! Just shut up!" she turned to her daughter and pointed her finger to the hallway. "What are you waiting for? Get out there!"  
"Yes, Momma."  
Obediently, Carmen made her way out of her room only to be picked up and carried back in by her father. "Don't listen to her, honey. Just get some sleep."  
"Tony, don't undermine my authority!" Maria said, attempting to snatch Carmen away. Quickly and quietly, Carmen whispered to her father.  
"Daddy, Mimi's here. Don't let her see." Tony squeezed his daughter to let her know he'd heard and lowered her into her bed.  
"Goodnight, princess."  
"'Night, daddy." Maria Marquez stood in the doorway, seething.

When the door shut, the fighting continued, but Carmen knew that she and her sister were safe for the night. She retrieved her sister and finished dressing her burn. "Come on. Did you bring Wizwatch?" Mimi nodded, holding up a fairly worn stuffed monkey. They climbed into bed and held onto each other tightly.  
"Carmen can you sing me a song?" Mimi asked, finding it hard to sleep.  
"What kind of song?"  
"That song about the river."  
For years, every Sunday evening was family evening and their father picked a radio station for them to listen to. Once, they played a song about a river that Mimi and Carmen loved. Tony went out and bought the cassette tape the next day.

Back in the loft Carmen sang softly to her sister the very same way she had done that night and many nights after, and Mimi drifted off to sleep.  
"_River, river, carry me on  
Living river, carry me on  
River, river, carry me on  
To the place where I come from_

_So deep, so wide, will you take me on your back for a ride  
If I should fall, would you swallow me deep inside  
River, show me how to float, I feel like I'm sinking down  
Thought that I could get along_

_But here in this water, my feet won't touch the ground  
I need something to turn myself around_

_Going away, away toward the sea  
River deep, can you lift up and carry me  
Oh roll on through the heartland  
'Til the sun has left the sky  
River, river, carry me high_

_'Til the washing of the water, make it all alright  
Let your waters reach me, like she reached me tonight_

_Letting go, it's so hard, the way it's hurting now  
To get this love untied  
So tough to stay with this thing, cause if I follow through  
I face what I denied  
I'll get those hooks out of me  
And I'll take out the hooks that I sunk deep in your side  
Kill that fear of emptiness, that loneliness I hide_

_River, oh river, river running deep  
Bring me something that will let me get to sleep_

_In the washing of the water will you take it all away  
Bring me something to take this pain away_"


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Welcome to chapter five and thankyou for putting up with my rant last chapter! Enjoy, guys!  
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_**December 30**__**th**__** 7am EST**_

The sun's rays felt amazing to Carmen. She was on the fire escape with a cigarette and a cup of coffee just enjoying her solitude; it was hard to come by in that place. At home, Carmen was pretty much ignored and left on her own. Here, she had her sister to look after, Roger and Mark. Collins, Maureen, Joanne and Benny were constantly dropping in and seeing them. _No wonder Mark likes to get away in his film room… house… apartment…thing_, she thought to herself. It was cold, but she still let her robe fall off her shoulders leaving them exposed to the warmth of the sun. She had gotten up early to have some alone time before getting Mimi's medication ready for her, taking her for her checkup and confirming everyone's plans for the next day. New Years Eve was just on the horizon, and there were still arguments about what the bohemians were going to do to celebrate.  
Carmen took a long sip of her coffee and looked down at the cigarette in her hand. She had always promised not to get into anything that was bad for her, but she needed to take the edge off sometimes and she figured that it was better than what Mimi had chosen to achieve the same thing. She let the smoke fill her lungs before blowing it back out, relishing in the calming feeling that washed over her, and then a noise from inside made her jump. Peering through the window, Carmen saw that Mark had dropped his spoon onto the bench and was fumbling in his attempt to pick it up. His fingers tried and tried again to grasp the metal, but he couldn't get a firm grip. He placed his bowl down and pushed the spoon off the bench into his other hand.  
A smile tugged at Carmen's lips when she saw a gleam of triumph in the filmmaker's eyes. She had always found Mark adorably sweet, but since living with him and getting to know him a little better, she felt even fonder of him. Secretly, she felt as if they were the parents of the household; with Mimi and Roger being the children.

Mark felt as if he was being watched, and he looked up to find Carmen looking in through the window at him. For some reason, he felt embarrassed that she had probably seen him drop his spoon. Puzzled, he pushed the embarrassment out of his mind and went to sit by the window. Carmen pushed it open.  
"You're up early."  
"So are you. Trouble sleeping?"  
"Nah, I was just looking for some 'Carmen Time'." Mark felt a sharp pang of guilt, and of something else he couldn't quite place.  
"Do you want me to go?" Carmen sipped her coffee thoughtfully, staring out onto the street. No, she didn't want him to go. As much as she wanted to be alone, being with Mark didn't bother her at all. She felt as if being with him was just as good as being alone.  
"I don't mind having you here." She replied with a warm smile, which Mark returned. The pair sat in silence absorbing the morning and absorbing each other's company. Before Mark realized that she had moved closer, he felt Carmen's head on his knee. The window seat was on a higher level than the floor of the fire-escape, where Carmen was sitting, and she had turned to face him. Her head rested gently on his knee, tilted up so that she was looking in his eyes. She felt a warmth spread through her body that neither coffee nor cigarette was responsible for. Mark's face flushed a brilliant shade of red as he looked down at her. Her hair was messily pulled back in a bun and her robe was still off her shoulders, which were a creamy shade of brown. She and her sister shared the same eyes – big, deep and captivating. She was like a car crash; no matter how much he knew he shouldn't stare, he just couldn't help himself when he was that close. There was a definite _something_ between them, and that scared him, so he said the most unromantic thing he could think of.  
"I'm thinking I'll have to go back to Buzzline." Carmen groaned and buried her face in the crook of his leg.  
"Mark, no!"  
"Well we've got no income. Not one bit. We're living off whatever we've saved and there's practically nothing left."  
"I'll get a job once the holidays are through."  
"It's not that easy, Carmen." Carmen rolled her eyes.  
"Please, Mark. I'm Carmen Marquez, and I'm brilliant." He chuckled at her optimism.  
"Okay…"  
"No, seriously. I used to work at a community childcare center. There's another one around here somewhere. I'll get them to call the place back home, they'll vouch for me." Mark frowned, unaware that community childcare centers charged their patrons. When he questioned her she explained that the money came from the government, which came as a relief because at least she was guaranteed to be paid right and according to the law while the patrons could still have their service for free. They stayed talking for a while and Mark became comfortable enough to reach over and pick a bit of fluff from Carmen's hair. Her coffee was long forgotten and his cereal was soggy, but the two friends stayed exactly the way they were – in their own little world, making small talk and making plans for the next night. It wasn't until Mimi's beeper went off that they noticed they had been being watched.  
Blushing, the pair moved apart and pretended to go about their business but Carmen made a face at her mouthful of cold coffee, and Mark looked at his cereal with disdain without even bothering to try it.

For the next hour, everyone just went about their morning activities before gathering around near the front door.  
"Alright so we're going to the medical center for Mimi, then the drug store, then the community center for Carmen, then the grocery store, then the Life Café to meet up with everyone for lunch?" Carmen and Mark nodded at Roger. "Right. Let's go." Mimi climbed up onto his back as they walked, and Carmen smiled after them. It was so good to see Mimi happy and she almost forgot about the virus that was killing her sister. Almost.  
"Dammit, Roger, be a good horsie and gallop!"  
"Mimi, I can't gallop when you're wearing those boots!"  
"They're like little kids aren't they?" asked a voice in Carmen's ear. Mark had dropped back to walk with her. She grinned up at him.  
"Yeah, they are. It's really sweet. They're great together... now that Roger's come to his senses." Mark nodded. He knew exactly what she meant about Roger.

Carmen, possessed by a brief spell of courage, went to link arms with Mark, but he reached for his camera and she tried to make the arm movement casual by running her hand through her hair, feeling like an idiot. He filmed Roger and Mimi's antics before turning the lens on Carmen. After a few minutes of listening to his commentary, Carmen erupted into laughter. Mark, feeling very self-conscious, began to wind the film and blushed.  
"What is it?"  
Composing herself, Carmen stood in front of him and placed her hands on his shoulders as if she was about to give him very bad news. "Mark… I hate to break it to you… but there's no microphone on that camera." He wriggled free of her grip, frowning.  
"I know that!" he replied defensively. This made Carmen laugh even harder.  
"Then why are you talking to it?" Mark ignored her and was grateful that they had just arrived at the medical center. He felt stupid enough without trying to explain his idiosyncrasies.

Hours later, Carmen knocked on Roger's door. He was surprised by her request to talk to him alone, but invited her in and shut the door behind them nonetheless. He trusted her enough to know she wouldn't try anything stupid, and was confident that they had an understanding of the brother/sister dynamics of their relationship. She looked nervous – a look he had only ever seen once before on Mimi. He sat down beside her on his bed and waited for her to talk. For a few moments she appeared to change her mind several times about where to begin, and she constantly ran her fingers through her dark hair. Roger placed a hand on her shoulder. "Would you hate it if I got involved with Mark?"  
The question shocked Roger – he had never expected Mark to be Carmen's type, and much less expected to be asked permission about it. It was so unlike Mimi and for the first time Roger appreciated the difference in their personalities. He thought a while about it, not exactly sure of what he should say. He wouldn't hate it if she got involved with Mark but he didn't want his friend to be left heartbroken, and Carmen was so young.  
"I wouldn't hate it exactly."  
"So you'd hate it a little bit?"  
"No, I wouldn't hate it at all… just… I mean, if you – do you even know if he wants to be with you?"  
"Well, no… but I got a vibe." Roger sighed. He was all too familiar with the whole 'vibe' scene. 'Vibes' were a high school kind of thing that resulted in two-week relationships.  
"Carmen," he started, trying not to sound as annoyed as he felt. "I think you need to relax. You just got here. Of course Mark likes you – you're a nice person. But I don't exactly think you can rely on vibes. He's shy. He blushes a lot and you're not exactly the ugliest person around, either, which probably makes it a little worse. But he's a big boy – he can handle being around gorgeous girls like you and Mimi without falling in love. Do you get what I'm saying?" A little disappointed, Carmen nodded.  
"Yeah, I get you. It's probably nothing. You're right… sorry." She stood to leave, feeling as though she'd just been rejected, but the more she thought about it the more she felt Roger was right. Mark was a shy person, and he did blush a lot. If he blushed around her more often it was probably just because she flirted shamelessly with him and he wasn't sure how to respond. She hung the idea out to dry.

Meanwhile, Mark was editing the day's film. He stopped at one particular segment where he was 'interviewing' Carmen. He could see her frowning as he commented that everyone else had become irritated the first time he filmed them.  
"Well I can't imagine why." He saw her say, with a roll of her eyes. In his mind, he heard himself ask why it didn't annoy her. "Because I love you, Mark." She had responded jokingly, with a dazzling smile lighting up her face. Mark became captivated by that few seconds of film, playing it over and over. He watched her lips form the words, feeling as though he was floating, but he quickly forced those feelings away. She was too young, and there was nothing more to it.  
He only let himself watch it three more times.


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: I'm totally loving all of this support, guys! Thank you so much! I'm not sure if I like this chapter, but it'll have to do... A special thanks to Tina 101, because she's read this story and reviewed which is more than I can say. I read her stuff, and I love it, but I don't review because I'm a bad person...**_**  
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_**January 1**__**st**__** 12 noon EST**_

The bohemians were splayed out in various positions around the loft nursing hangovers when Carmen's cell phone began to ring. Carmen herself was on the couch, curled up to Collins. Groans sounded from all over the place.  
"Why is it so loud?" Roger complained.  
"Carmen, make it stop," whined Maureen, who proceeded to press a cushion over her own head.  
"Mark, you get it!" demanded Carmen, too lazy to walk the few feet to the metal table. Mark obeyed, as he was lying on the table, and reached blindly for the cell.  
"Hello?"  
"Whoa! You're not Carmen! Unless this is what you sound like after a wild New Year's party…?" a man pondered on the other line, sounding way too chirpy for Mark's liking.  
"I'm Mark," he said a little irritably.  
"Oh, the famous Mark! I'm Michael."  
"Please stop yelling at me."  
The request was so out of character for Mark that even Roger chuckled alone with everyone. "Carmen, its Michael."  
"Tell him I'll call him when I can function."  
"She'll call you when she can function."  
"Can she function enough to let me in?"  
"Oh. Carmen, he's outside."  
With a sudden burst of energy, Mimi sprung up from the floor and grabbed the key. She ran out onto the fire escape."Michael John Spencer!" she threw the key down. "You get your cute ass up here right now!"  
"Miranda Rosalinda Marquez! Where in the hell were you?" she knew he was referring to her disappearance after Angel's death.  
"Oh, out and about… Hurry up and get in here!" he flashed her a grin and headed into the building. Mimi hurdled over to the door when she heard it slide open, and flung herself on the young man.

Michael Spencer was tall with a puff of curly hair atop a reasonably handsome face. His skin showed faded signs of acne, and his eyes were a bright crystal blue.  
"Oh! There's my girl!" he exclaimed at almost being suffocated by Mimi's enthusiastic hug. He held her at arm's length and gave her a serious look over. "You've gotten thin. Where's the bastard you're cheating on me with?" he asked, looking past her. He chuckled he noticed everyone lying around. "Big night?"  
"You bet. Roger's on the floor."  
"Yeah, I think I spot his hair. Where's my other girlfriend?" Carmen's head popped up from hiding in Collins' chest.  
"Hey, honey!"  
"Hello, gorgeous," he said warmly. The chemistry between the two was so visibly intense that Joanne spoke up.  
"I didn't know you left a boyfriend back home."  
"I didn't."  
"We're just friends," explained Michael.  
"That's Joanne."  
"Hi, Joanne."  
"Hello, Michael."  
"Friends who fuck?"  
"And that's Maureen."  
"Yeah, I figured. Nice to meet you."  
"I see you've avoided my question."  
"No, Maureen. Not friends who fuck."  
"Suuuuuuure…"

Mimi led Michael into Carmen's bedroom and perched herself on the queen bed, where she proceeded to have a violent coughing fit. Carmen and Roger rushed in to help, and Michael looked on sadly and with concern.  
"Mimi," he started, pulling her into a close hug. "God, don't you start fading on me." Mimi smiled. "Oh please. Me, fade? Never."  
"Good girl."

The next half hour was spent catching up. Mimi felt horrible but didn't want to complain because she'd missed Michael so much. The three of them grew up together. Carmen sensed a slight discomfort in Mimi so she reached over and took her hand, rubbing it gently with her thumb. Mimi smiled somewhat tiredly and reclined, stretching out her long legs."You both got so goddamn sexy."  
"Michael!" Carmen attacked him with a pillow, embarrassed at the thought of him finding her attractive.  
"Well, you did! But I know I have no chance. Not with Mr. Scarf out there." Mimi shot up, causing another coughing fit.  
"What do you mean, Mr. Scarf?" she asked between deep breaths. She noticed that Carmen had turned a deep shade of scarlet.  
"Oh my god, you have a crush on Mark?" It was Mimi's turn to attack Carmen with a pillow. "Why didn't you tell me? I'll make him take you out!"

Carmen looked between the two helplessly as Michael and Mimi planned various ways to get her and Mark together. Neither of them considered that he might not like her back; apparently it was just a given that he has to 'because she's Carmen'.  
"You can get him drunk and rig a game of spin the bottle!"  
"Michael, we're not in high school. And Mark doesn't really drink. Especially not after a night like last night…. But what we _can_ do is organize a big group thing and dress Carmen up so gorgeously that he won't be able to resist her."  
"Good idea."  
"She can wear that green dress!"  
"Yeah, even I wanted to jump her bones when she wore that."  
"Mark probably already wants to jump her bones."  
"Can you two stop talking about my bones being jumped?"  
"No. Now we need to set a date for our big night." But Michael wasn't listening.  
"You know who's hot? Maureen. She's hot. And Carmen's hot, too. Two hot girls. Mark's got good taste."

Suddenly, Roger burst into the room.  
"You two are so fucking loud; we can hear every word you're saying." He noticed that all the colour had drained from Carmen's face. "Don't worry, he's sleeping." But that's not the only thing she was worried about. Now everyone knew that she had a thing for Mark, and all eyes would be on her when she was near him. They were going to watch her every move.

_Oh, no… this isn't going to be fun at all._

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**A/N: I'm taking suggestions as to how this Mark/Carmen thing should go... I've played out many, many scenarios in my head - some where they end up together, some where they don't. Some where they get together, but break up... I'm just not crazy about most of what I've thought up...  
**

**Help?**_  
_


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: Hey guys! Sorry I've taken so long to update. As an apology, here's an extra-long chapter. You might even get two! How's that for compensation? So I hope you all like this! There's a lot going on in this chatper. It's been written and rewritten about a thousand times over the past few days. I like where it's gone, but I'm just not sure about how I got there. Oh well, here we go! **_**  
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_**January 3**__**rd**__** 7pm EST**_

Maureen, Joanne, Mimi and Carmen were all in Carmen's room getting ready for a night out with the group. They were, of course, going to the Life Café to celebrate Mimi's 21st birthday. The whole point of the night was to get as drunk as possible to recognize the fact that she could now drink legally, at least.  
"Can you pass that – Ow! Pookie, you stepped on my toe!"  
"Aww I'm sorry…" the two ladies shared an adorable moment, cuddling and kissing each other.  
"I'm going to gag," chimed in Carmen, who was met with a vicious look from Maureen despite the obvious tone of playfulness in her voice.  
"You're just jealous! Don't worry; we'll get you a man." Carmen scoffed. "How is Mark lately?"  
"Oh very funny, Maureen."  
"I see you rejected the green dress. Why is that?" she asked with her eyebrow raised. Mimi chuckled, but Joanne pushed Maureen lightly.  
"Honeybear, leave the poor girl alone."  
Maureen raised her hands in defeat, but went on to say "I'm just saying she'd probably look hot in the green dress… and it can't really hurt her cause to look hot."  
"I don't have a cause!" Carmen cried, stomping her foot like a child. Mimi's jaw dropped at the rare case of immaturity in her sister. "He doesn't like me back!"  
"Actually, my dear sister, I have it on good personal authority that he _does_ like you back."  
The three other women fell silent and waited for Mimi to continue, all feeling intrigued but none more than Carmen, who was studying her sister's face for some sign of a lie. She didn't find any. Mimi went on. "I spoke with him about it yesterday. Don't worry!" she said hastily when Carmen looked ready to explode at her. "I only mentioned the little incident on the fire escape the other day."  
Carmen flushed the same colour as she had done that morning, remembering exactly what Mimi was talking about. Satisfied, she told her story.

_**December 2**__**nd**__** 11pm EST**_

All was quiet in the loft. It was dark and as cars drove past, strangely shaped shadows were cast onto the walls. Roger and Carmen had gone to bed half an hour earlier and Mimi was in the bathroom getting ready to join Roger. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a figure on the couch. It was Mark reading a book. She hadn't realized that he was still up; she had assumed that he had gone to bed as well. A stroke of inspiration hit her, and she headed over to him under the pretence of taking him a blanket. However, she had other things on her mind; far grander things.  
"Here," she said, gently laying the blanket over him. He smiled up at her appreciatively, and went back to his book after murmuring his thanks to her. Mimi didn't leave – she was determined now. "Hey can I ask you something?" he placed his book down and looked up at her in a silent 'yes'. Mimi crept under the blanket with him where they sat huddled with their foreheads together, like two children in bed talking secretly by torchlight; a scenario Mimi was very familiar with.  
"Your hands are cold," he commented when she took hold of either side of his face and Eskimo kissed him. She brushed it off.  
"My hands are always cold. So anyway, I need to ask… what's the story with you and Carmen?"  
Mark drew back a little, feeling very self conscious. He hadn't been expecting that, but realized that he probably should have been expecting it when he remembered that he had been caught out in a moment with her. He stuttered, not managing to get a word out before Mimi spoke again. "Relax, I know nothing's happening. She would've told me. I just think you might _want_ something to happen… am I right?"  
Feeling confident about his answer, Mark looked her directly in the eyes and told her that he didn't. She wasn't convinced.  
"Really, Mimi. I don't want anything to happen. She's too young."  
"She's not too young!" Mimi cried incredulously.  
"She's five years younger than me. She's still in her teens."  
"I was in my teens when I started going out with Roger. And he's a year older than you." Mimi pointed out, folding her arms. She didn't think it very fair of Mark to judge her sister on something that she had no control over – especially seeing as she considered Carmen to be a whole lot more mature than herself. She sensed that it was just some pathetic excuse, and she told him so.  
"Mimi, it's nothing against her. I think she's great, but I just don't want to get involved with someone so young." Mark replied, trying desperately to get across his point in a way that wouldn't offend her.

Mimi gazed at the filmmaker thoughtfully, and realization dawned on her. "You want stability. You don't want another Maureen" she said, mostly to herself. She continued before he had the chance to interrupt. "Mark, I think you should have noticed by now that my sister and Maureen are practically fire and ice."  
It wasn't an entirely true statement – Carmen and Mimi both enjoyed the limelight at home, and they both loved to perform – but Mark didn't need to know that at this point and in any case it wasn't Maureen's talent and passion for performing that he was worried about. Mark hesitated. "I don't know, Mimi…"  
"She's more mature than I am. I've spent my entire life looking up to my younger sister."  
"I know."  
"Doesn't that say something kind of special about her?"  
"I already thought she was something special," he admitted softly.  
"Then why punish yourself? No one has control over their age."  
Mark considered Mimi for a long time without saying anything. Thoughts were buzzing around his head, feeding him images of different scenarios that could come to be. As if she could read his mind, Mimi leaned over and hugged him.  
"Well, I'll leave you to your thoughts then." She said, getting up. "I'm going to get some sleep. You should go to bed soon, as well."  
"Thanks, Mimi. And, uh… well… thanks for… you know."  
"I'm not promising you anything, Mark. But don't rule her out. She's a great girl… and I definitely noticed sparks the other morning."

_**December 3**__**rd**__** 7pm EST**_

Carmen sat feeling stunned at Mimi's recount of the previous day's conversation with Mark.  
"Wow," said Maureen in a low voice. "I've turned him off younger women. I wasn't that bad, was I?" she asked, trying her best to look innocent but knowing full well that it was true. No one responded. Their silence confirmed that they all know how badly she had treated Mark but also that they were good friends who were trying to spare her feelings by not saying anything.  
"So there you have it, Carmen," Joanne said, tactfully changing the subject. "He thinks you're something special."  
"Of course he does, you're fucking gorgeous!" exclaimed Maureen with a cheerful, knowing smile. Carmen blushed and tried to busy herself with pulling out her make-up, but her hands were clumsy and she fumbled with all of it. She was startled out of her thoughts when her vision was invaded by a deep shade of jade green. "Wear it," coerced Maureen. Carmen looked to her sister for help.  
"Wear it, Carmen." Mimi agreed. Desperate for help, she turned to Joanne, who shrugged. Carmen felt a momentary relief before Joanne told her "I've been trying to get you in that dress all evening."  
Feeling backed into a corner, Carmen too the only way out that she could see. She took the dress and changed into it to the cheers of the others.  
"I'm so excited! Markie's _finally_ gonna get laid!" squealed Maureen before dodging an eye pencil Carmen had aimed at her head.  
"I'm so excited that _Carmen_ is finally gonna get laid!" added Mimi, who braced herself for an attack that never came. It seemed she had given up on getting defensive, rather just letting them go on talking. She wasn't setting out to get into bed with Mark, although the thought was a nice one; she wanted a relationship more meaningful than that.

Lost in the depths of her own mind, Carmen barely even heard Maureen shriek "She's a virgin?!" annoyed, she slumped in her seat.  
"You know, that's not something I want everyone in the building to know," she muttered. Maureen had an exaggerated look of bewilderment on her face. "Oh, get a grip! I'm not the only nineteen-year-old virgin in the world!"  
"You're the only one in _my_ world."  
"You _are_ going to tell him, right?" asked Joanne, who suddenly looked concerned.  
"I'll tell him if it comes up."  
"I don't think it's something that he'll think to ask you."  
"Well it's not exactly something I can hide, is it? If the time comes, he'll know, but I'm not going to march up to him and say 'You wanna dance? By the way, I'm a virgin'." Carmen's statement was met with appreciative laughter. She was relieved that they seemed to understand where she was coming from.

_**Meanwhile…**_

Roger and Collins were getting a head-start on the night's drinking with their signature paper cups of Stoli. Even Mark had agreed to having a few once he heard that Benny was staying sober and driving everyone home, but he figured that since he's such a lightweight, the later he started the better.  
"What are they doing in there?" asked Roger, draining his cup and holding it out for more. Collins poured him a generous helping, shrugging. Collins didn't really care; he was happy where he was and with the way things were although he wouldn't complain when they finally left for the Life, either. He was kind of hungry.

Benny let himself in, holding a large package in his hands. The other men crowded around; eager to see the gifts they had all put in money for. Together, everyone had gotten Mimi a huge box of gifts that included a CD player, a bunch of CDs, some new clothes, shot glasses and various bottles of alcohol. With a little financial aid from Carmen, Roger had also bought her a ring. It wasn't intended for engagement, but as a promise to always be hers and to treat her right. He had it stashed in his jacket pocket and meant to give it to her later in the night, or if he was too drunk, in the morning. She knew he had a surprise for her, so she was bound to remind him at some point during the course of the evening.  
"Is she going to open it now, or later?" Benny asked, placing the box down on the floor in front of the couch and securing the leopard-print bow he'd found for it. Mark appeared from his room, evidently having just retrieved his wallet.  
"I think now is best. She probably won't have the appropriate motor skills later," he pointed out. Collins chuckled as he went to gather the girls, knowing exactly what Mark meant about Mimi's lack of motor skills. Too often had she clumsily stumbled home and been unable to get inside her apartment with only her inability to function her key to blame. He knocked on the door.

_**Later that night…**_

In the Life Café, Mimi's party was raging on. The bohemians were pleasantly surprised to find that many of their other friends and acquaintances had gotten word about the event and turned up to help bring the house down. As usual, the head of staff at the Life was exasperated by their appearance but he warmed to them when Benny put $1000 on the bar. The service was impeccable, as always, but more so than usual from the man who ordinarily would try to get rid of them as soon as possible.  
"Just goes to show where money can get you, doesn't it?" said a voice in Mark's ear as he watched the head of staff trying to get his bartenders to work faster. He nodded before turning towards the voice, assuming it was Mimi. He was surprised to see Carmen looking past him at the bar.  
Carmen looked, to put it simply, amazing. Her hair was long and wavy, more closely resembling Mimi's than ever before, loose and flowing down her back. She was wearing a short, green dress with fabric that clung to her hips and sequins decorating the plunging neckline. Mark had been avoiding her since first seeing her, afraid of the dress and what it might make him do, but he knew he couldn't stay away the entire night without arousing suspicion so instead of excusing himself, he stayed and talked with her.

It was hard to have a conversation. Between the general loudness of the atmosphere, their mutual attraction and the effects of vodka, Carmen and Mark only barely managed for fifteen minutes. There was a short spell of silence between them and Carmen banged her hands on the table, startling Mark.  
"We're having a competition!" She cried, with a mischievous glint in her eye. Mark's own eyes widened.  
"No," he said firmly. Carmen nodded slowly, waving over a bartender. "Carmen, no!"  
"Yes! I'm a lightweight, too!" Mark didn't look convinced. "Come on…" she urged.  
"No!"  
"We've got a safe way home!" she pressed on as the bartender poured them a line of shots each. "Thank you!" she said chirpily as he walked away, and then settled into her seat with a determined look on her face. "Okay, Cohen. Let's go."  
Mark couldn't resist the cheeky smile on Carmen's face when she pushed a shot-glass towards him, spilling some of the liquid. He couldn't help but think that it was somewhat deliberate of her. She held her own first glass up in a toast. "To my sister's brilliant recovery!" They downed their shots. Throughout the course of the competition people started to gather around to help with their toasts, which became more and more ridiculous over time.

Both of them were quite drunk by the end, and were slumped face down on table giggling stupidly at their last toast ('to bananas!'). Carmen, with her head still down, reached out and closed her hand around Mark's own hand. He shifted his position to get a view of her, but she didn't move so he only saw a great mass of hair. "You're a good guy, Mark."  
"You're pretty good yourself."  
"And bananas really are awesome."  
"Yeah, they are…"  
The pair began to giggle again and stayed exactly where they were until Benny approached them.  
"Uh, guys? I'm taking Roger and Mimi home now. Coming?" he asked. Carmen let out a noncommittal grunt without moving, but Mark looked around and spotted Roger and Mimi furiously making out behind Benny.  
"I think we should give them some time alone before we go home," he told Benny, who gave an understanding nod.  
"Are they making out?"  
"I think so. Either that or they're trying to eat each other."  
"Eat each other?!" Carmen appeared to be in a fit of laughter once more; her shoulders rapidly moving up and down. Eventually she let out a great heaving sigh, and drew herself up again. Her vision was slightly delayed when she turned her head to the dance-floor, but she could still make out the array of new friends she had met that night along with Collins (who was dancing with a friend from Life Support), Maureen and Joanne.

Putting an immense amount of trust in her legs, Carmen got to her feet and walked around the table to stand in front of Mark. Being as drunk as he was, he openly looked her over admiringly, but she didn't notice because she was looking past him at the clock. It was half past midnight, and she knew the band would be leaving in fifteen minutes. "Mark, come dance with me."  
"You don't wanna dance with me."  
"Yes," she said, taking his hand and leading him to the floor. "I do." She placed his hands on her waist before snaking her own around his neck. In a moment of perfect timing (or perfect planning on Carmen's part), the band announced their last song. It was slow and Carmen took the chance to move closer and rest her head on his shoulder. Mark felt her take a sharp breath when he tightened his grip on her.  
He knew the others were watching with smug looks on their faces, but he didn't care – in fact, he pulled her up against him in an attempt to spite them. Carmen smiled and leaned into him, enjoying every beat of the song; every move they made together. Nothing was said between them for the duration of their dance, but then again nothing needed to be said. The moment was perfect.


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Hey hey! It's another longer-ish chapter! I _know_ there's another one buzzing in my head at the moment, it's just a matter of when I'll be able to get it all down. I'm sick at the moment, so I don't have much else to do. Don't get your hopes up, though. I have a party tomorrow, and I'm seeing Hairspray tomorrow night.**

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter! Thanks as always for the reviews and ongoing support! This one is pretty interesting, I think. Mark and Carmen share a tender moment on the couch, and a polaroid picture of them from the previous night surfaces. Mimi gets two more awesome gifts, and we get a bit of insight into Roger's feelings.  
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_**January 4**__**th**__** 9am EST**_

Sunlight poured into the unusually quiet loft. In the bedrooms Roger, Mimi and Carmen all slowly began to wake. Mark was on the couch with a cup of tea and the Village Voice. Surprisingly, he wasn't hung over; just tired and hungry. He looked behind him into the kitchen and wondered what he might have for breakfast. Roger and Mimi emerged from their room, shared a tender kiss and parted. Roger padded off to the bathroom and Mimi made her way into the kitchen. "Fun night?" Mark asked her with a smirk she couldn't possibly see.  
"Uh-huh," she replied mid-yawn."What time did you get home?"  
"Benny brought us back at around two."  
"What are you doing up?" she groaned sympathetically.  
"It's not that bad," he told her, shrugging. "I thought I'd be dealing with a killer hangover but I'm fine."  
"That's because you were drinking good stuff, and not that crap we had at New Year."  
"Hmm," he agreed, turning back to his paper. Mimi nestled herself on the window seat and was joined by Roger soon after. They wrapped themselves in a blanket and became lost in their own world, as they often did when together.

In her room, Carmen could hear that everyone else was awake. She was completely worn out but felt the need to make an appearance out there so she pulled on her robe and sauntered over to Mark, rubbing her bleary eyes. She dropped beside him on the couch and crawled into his lap, falling back to sleep almost instantly. Taken aback by the affection, Mark stiffened a little, but he eventually relaxed and continued his reading with one arm wrapped around her. He wasn't sure if anything had happened between them – his memory was fuzzy – but he was certain that he danced with her and that he had spotted her shoes on his bedroom floor. His thoughts stayed on her shoes and it dawned on him that if her shoes were in his room, then she must have been in his room as well. He looked down at her curiously, not wanting to wake her, but trying to find some sign in her face or her body language. Had they slept together? He was sure that they hadn't, because if they had then she wouldn't have been in her own room. But had anything happened? The fact of the matter remained that she had climbed into his arms in an extremely casual manner, and the more he thought about it the more he became scared that something had occurred between them that he couldn't remember.

It soon became apparent that Roger had given Mimi her ring. A loud squeal sounded from beneath the blanket, causing Carmen to jolt awake.  
"Wasshappening?"  
"Look how pretty!!" Suddenly, a sparkly finger was in front of Carmen's nose. She blinked a few times, and held onto Mimi's hand to get a better look. It really was a beautiful ring. Plain and simple, but elegant in its simplicity, the ring was white gold with a sapphire and two tiny diamonds either side.  
"Very nice, chica," she said burying her head into Mark's shoulder once again.  
"I know!" she squealed. "Hey! What's going on here…?"  
"We've only been like this for about half an hour." Mark replied.  
"So you're a couple now?"  
Carmen's head shot up. The two exchanged uncertain looks, completely unsure about the situation and what to say. They both sputtered and stumbled on words, and eventually Mimi gave up. "You guys suck. We're going to visit the others and show them my ring!" As Mimi and Roger left, Carmen resumed her position and started to drift off into slumber again. Mark gazed down at her tiny form and freed his hands of the paper to hold her closer to him. He could feel her smiling against him, and couldn't keep a small smile from appearing on his own face.  
"Comfy?" he asked, pretending as though she were a burden but knowing she wouldn't take him seriously. She nodded and squeezed him, lightly pressing her lips to his neck. Mark's heart gave a leap, and his stomach filled with butterflies. Had she really just kissed him? Colour was rushing to his cheeks, but he took comfort in the fact that she couldn't see. Something gave him away, though, because she looked up from her spot and asked if he was okay.  
"You're barely breathing," she commented. Mark let out his breath. He didn't even realize he'd been holding it and the release calmed him a little.  
"I'm fine."  
"Are you sure?" she asked, cupping his face in her hands. He noticed her eyes darting between his lips and his eyes, and grew nervous. All his previous anxieties came flooding back to him like a great wave crashing on the shore. He gently lifted her off him and placed her to the side. Awkwardly, he made an excuse to leave and headed out for a walk. He made a point not to look at her, but as he shut the door he glanced upwards. She had her head bowed so sadly that he almost went back, but she looked even younger when she was upset. He thought he could get over it, but he guessed that he was wrong.

When Mark returned, Carmen had already left for work and Roger and Mimi were back. Roger was idly plucking strings on his guitar, and Mimi was – from what Mark could hear – in their room testing out her new CD player. The couple didn't share in tastes in music, which explained why they weren't together.  
"Hey," Roger greeted him.  
"Hey," he replied.  
"Where've you been?"  
"Just went for a walk."  
Roger gave some sort of grunt and went back to plucking. Mark went into his room and noticed two things; the first being that Carmen's shoes were gone and the second being that something had been placed on his bed. As he got closer, he made out that it was a Polaroid with a few Post-It notes stuck to it.

_Mark,  
Rosie gave me this on our way out last night. I'm not sure you'll like it, but do what you want with it. I don't want it. You've made your feelings clear._

He read the notes a few times before deciding whether or not to life the last one. Whatever the picture was, it was of something that had happened at the party. He struggled to think of what Rosie would have taken a picture of; to remember if there was anything that had slipped his mind. He played the night out over and over again. His memory only started to fade out after they left. He remembered everything from the Life. Cautiously, he peeled off the final Post-It.The picture was of him and Carmen on the dance floor. Mark's heart sank when he saw how at ease they looked in each other's arms; they both had soft smiles on their faces and stars in their eyes. Though completely inebriated, they looked genuinely _happy_; like a couple. He read the note again, paying extra attention to the final line. She said he had made his feelings clear, but what did she mean? Did she mean he made them clear last night; in the picture? Or did she mean this morning when he pushed her away without any explanation and left her alone? From the fact that she had given up the photo, he gathered that it was the latter. Sighing, he placed it back on his pillow. He'd decide what to do about it later.

_**January 4**__**th**__** 9pm EST**_

Michael had just left the loft after giving Mimi (and it seemed the entire household) a belated birthday gift. A television set complete with video player. It wasn't very big, but it was better than anything they had seen in a while. Collins sat on the floor tweaking it with Mark by his side reading various instructions out from the manual. Roger, Mimi and Carmen all sat on the lounge practically bursting with excitement.  
"What are we going to watch?" Roger asked, tilting his head to the side.  
"Whatever's on, I guess."  
"We don't know anything, though."  
"Well that's all we've got!"  
"So go get us something better!"  
"What?!"  
It sounded like a good idea to Mimi, and together she and Roger managed to coerce Carmen into leaving to rent a few videos they had always wanted to see, but could never really afford. She whispered the movie titles softly to herself as she walked so that she wouldn't forget.  
"Se7en, Independence Day, Twister… Se7en, Independence Day, Twister…"  
The cold air burned her cheeks and nose, and she stuffed her hands in her pockets in an attempt to keep them from the cold. She had forgotten her gloves and by the time she had remembered she was already halfway there, so to go back would have been fruitless.

She paid the clerk and headed home only to find that Collins hadn't stuck around. "But I got his movie! And I have to take it back tomorrow!" The others gave her apologetic looks as she irritably put the videos on the coffee table and went into the kitchen to make popcorn and get glasses for the soda she'd brought home with her as a surprise. As the kernels started to pop in the microwave bag, Carmen poured milk duds and M&Ms into a bowl. Curious about the noise, Mimi craned her neck to see what was going on. Like a cheetah, she bolted over and grabbed the bowl of candy squealing her thank you as she ran back, holding the bowl protectively. "Share it, Miss Marquez!"  
"Nyeh nyeh, Miss Marquez!" she said in a mock baby voice, sticking her tongue out comically. Roger chuckled and plucked the bowl out of her hand, placing it on the coffee table.

When all the snack food had been sorted out and everyone was in position – Roger and Mimi on a makeshift mattress on the floor, Carmen and Mark in stiff positions on opposite ends of the couch – Mimi pointed the remote and started Twister. All of them were captivated by the film right from the start – there was even a guy that looked surprisingly similar to Mark, who Roger pointed out to all of them – and eventually the two on the couch relaxed in their seats; Mark leaning on his side with his elbow up on the arm rest and his head resting on his hand, Carmen leaning back against her own armrest and stretching out her legs. By the time the film ended, they were all in agreement that the television was possibly the best invention known to man and that Twister was the greatest movie of all eternity. Until they finished Independence Day. By the end, Mimi was falling asleep. Evidently she was still a little weak from her illness, as she would ordinarily be up to staying up all night every night, but partying started to take its toll and Roger took her to bed.

She folded up under the sheets and shivered lightly. Roger looked down at her; a crease appearing between his eyebrows. He lightly stroked her hair and caressed her cheek. She groggily asked him to stay. Since he had come back, he had never been able to say no to her, and he wasn't about to start now. He slid in beside her, with Mimi promptly curling up to his chest, and listened to her fall asleep. He loved to hear her breathing – loved her feel her heart beating against him. He trailed his hand down to her chest, relishing in the steady beat of her heart and the rise and fall of her lungs.  
He loved her more deeply than he had ever loved anyone, and felt like such a fool for ever pushing her away in the past. Mimi had told him of the incident between Carmen and Mark that morning, and he couldn't help but be reminded of himself. Mark was pushing Carmen away in the same manner that he had pushed Mimi away in the beginning, but what for? Roger had his reasons; he was getting over April, he didn't want to get involved with another addict, he didn't know how to tell her about his disease. But what was Mark's reason? Was it still Maureen, after all this time? Or was it something deeper than that? Mark had expressed his fear of being the only one left, and now he had a window of opportunity; a chance to be with someone. A chance not to have to go it alone. He didn't have to be lonely old Mark hiding behind his camera. Roger hoped that his friend would come to his senses soon. If he didn't, he would talk to him.  
For now, he was laying in bed with his Mimi; the love of his life. He swept a lock of hair from her face and gently kissed her forehead.  
"I love you, Mimi," he whispered to her softly. Though sleeping, she responded.  
"Roger… love you…" Roger smiled to himself. _She even loves me in her sleep._


	9. Chapter 9 Part 1

**A/N: So, I've been writing this chapter for a long time and I am still writing it! I've had to split it in two because it's so long. So enjoy this first installment and rest assured that the second won't be long coming at all.**

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_**January 8**__**th**__** 11am EST**_

Carmen sat staring on the hard wooden church pew. She was stony-faced and only half-listening as the priest spewed out his hollow words of consolation; of faith and togetherness and hope. None of it matter to her. She was well and truly; desperately and hopelessly alone. Her sister had abandoned her, and she had no one left. She shifted her gazed to the shiny black coffin and felt tears streaming hot and fast down her cheeks. Willing them to stop, she lowered her eyes to the floor and concentrated on her breathing.

A few days earlier, there had been a call on Carmen's cell phone explaining that her father had died in a car accident. She and Mimi, along with Roger, were now at his funeral. When they had arrived, Mimi and Roger were immediately swept away by family and friends eager to try and make up for the time they had lost when Mimi ran away. Carmen approached the director and made sure that everything was going smoothly, then took her place in the pews. No one approached her. They still had at least half an hour until the ceremony started, so when Carmen failed to get her sister's attention, she walked outside and called home.

"Hello?"

"Mark?"

"Carmen?" he sounded like he had run to the phone. Immediately, she felt a little better. Hearing him gave her a warm kind of comfort.

"Hey."

"What's wrong?" he asked, taking a seat.

"Nothing," she lied. "I just wanted to talk to someone." Mark frowned. He didn't understand. It sounded loud on the other end, like she was surrounded by people. Weren't Roger and Mimi there with her?

"Where are Roger and Mimi?"

"Oh, everyone was really happy to see Mimi… I don't think I'll see her for the rest of the day."

Mark could hear her straining to sound casual, and felt a surge of deep sympathy for her. He knew all too well the feel of being in a crowd of people, but being completely alone at the same time. "Are you okay?" he asked her.

"Yeah… yeah I just wanted… I mean, you know I kind of…" she trailed off, not daring to finish her thought. She wanted her hear his voice. "Nothing. I just wanted to talk to someone, but I should see Laura."

"Are you sure?"

"Mmhmm," she replied, unable to stop her voice cracking. Mark wanted to reach through the phone and touch her. Just to place a hand on her shoulder to let her know he was there. They said goodbye and hung up. Carmen went back inside; back to being ignored. Mark grabbed his jacket and scarf.

Carmen watched as the coffin was carried back down the aisle. The funeral was over. They had been told that they were to follow the coffin, like a reverse wedding march, out through the door. Mimi, Roger and Carmen stood. Carmen kept her head down and reached for her sister's hand, but Mimi was already on her way down the aisle with Roger's arm around her. She took a deep, shuddering breath and stepped out. Everyone's eyes were on her, but she made the walk on her own hoping that no one could see the anguish she felt; hoping she wasn't wearing her heart on her sleeve as she was known to do at times. Soon after, everyone disappeared to go to the burial. The girls weren't welcome to attend, nor did they want to, because their step-mother blamed them for their father's death and they didn't want to see Maria, their real mother.

Roger led Mimi away so that he could 'comfort' her, leaving Carmen to sit on the church steps by herself. The wind bit at her face, but she didn't want to go back inside. She just wanted to go home.

Back at the loft, Maureen and Joanne ended Mark's furious internal struggle. He had intended on going to see Carmen after hearing how upset she was over the phone, but didn't want to give her the wrong impression. Now that the two women were here, he had a reason to stay.

"Hey, Markie."

"Hey, Maureen. Hey, Joanne."

"Hi, Mark. Are they home?" Joanne had come to help the sisters go through some legal issues surrounding inheritance, in case Laura decided to pull anything, which was very likely.

"Not yet. I don't know what's happened. They should be here by now."

Right on cue, the door opened and the three of them walked in. Carmen storm past the group and into her room slamming the door behind her, leaving everyone stunned. Mimi called after her, and then went in to see her. Tentatively, she shut the door behind her and approached her sister, who was angrily pacing the floor.

"Carmen, what's happened? Is it Mark?" she questioned. Carmen spun on her heel and glared at Mimi accusingly.

"How could you just leave me there?!" she yelled. Mimi stared at her.

"What are you talking about?"

"I was all by myself!" Carmen cried, gesturing emphatically. "Our Papa is DEAD!"

"I know he is, Carmen," she said in almost a whisper.

"Do you know what you did today? You did what you ALWAYS DO! I sat alone, and then _she_ came and you ran away with Roger and you left me behind with her!" Carmen was, of course, talking about their mother. Maria had claimed the spot right between Mimi and Carmen, and Mimi had walked away with Roger. Knowing that Carmen wouldn't move without her sister, Maria let a little smirk cross her face and Carmen shrunk in her seat. Once again, she became the prisoner she was so used to being in the presence of her mother. "You left me with her when I was fourteen, and you did it again only this time dad wasn't around to get me out!" She was crying now, and so was Mimi. Mimi finally realized the effect her actions had on her sister. "And then you let me walk alone, Mimi, and all I could think of was how you're just going to leave me again! You know why? Because you were stupid and you were selfish! You wanted to try smack! You wanted to try it and you didn't want to bother being safe! And now you're dying, and you're going to leave me! You're going to leave me again and I won't have ANYONE BUT MOM!"

The girls stood glaring at each other, Carmen panting as though she'd just run a marathon. Mimi seethed. She couldn't believe that her sister was angry at her for being sick. It was as if Mimi had _wanted_ to leave her behind; as if she wanted to die. And, really, who wanted to die? How could she be so heartless and irrational?

"Carmen," she began. "You have always looked after me and I appreciate that more than you know. Maybe I was a little insensitive today, but do not for one second think that I wanted any of those things to happen. I _never_ sought out my disease so that I could leave you behind and you're a complete bitch for even thinking that, let alone saying it to me."

"Get out of my room."

Mimi left the room to find everyone staring toward the door in stunned silence – they had heard everything. She walked past them and out onto the fire escape, not wanting to give any sort of explanation. Roger followed. Joanne, Maureen and Mark all had a silent argument over who should check on Carmen. After a few minutes of gesticulation and vigorous miming, Joanne and Maureen ganged up and shoved Mark through her door.

_**Mark's PoV**_

I rubbed at where the girls had grabbed me and pushed me, angry that I'd been bullied into doing this. I didn't know Carmen all that well and I wasn't sure how she would react to have me barge in on what I thought she might think was a private moment. I looked around her room, and I could hear her sniffling softly, but I didn't see her. I stayed in my spot, knowing she would have heard me come in; if she wanted to talk, she would talk.

"Who's there?" she croaked. It sounded as if she was in her closet.

"It's me – I mean, it's Mark." I answered, inching a bit closer. She sniffled again, and I guessed that she just wanted to be left alone. "Um… I'll, uh… I'll just… go, then…" I stammered, turning to leave. My hand was on her doorknob when she spoke.

"Please don't go."

I cringed at the helplessness in her voice. She sounded so vulnerable and scared. I shut my eyes, took a deep breath and forced myself to go to her. But I wasn't prepared for what I saw when I pulled open the door to her closet. Carmen was huddled in a corner with her knees drawn up to her chest and her hair falling into her face. The sight of her took me back to the times I had gone to Mimi during her withdrawal. Both sisters had a presence that was bigger than life, but when they started to break emotionally it because more and more obvious that they were really only very small. Instinctively, I sank to my knees and pulled her into my arms. She dissolved into deep, shuddering sobs as she wrapped her arms around my neck and buried her head into my shoulder.

"Oh god, Carmen… Carmen, its okay…" I told her, as soothingly as I could manage. I gently rubbed her back and eased myself into a more comfortable position.

She clutched at my shirt and buried her head further into my shoulder as she tried to calm herself; taking deep breaths and counting under her breath. I wondered where she had learned to do that. It seemed like something a therapist would teach.

"How do you do it?" she asked quietly, her voice hoarse from crying. I frowned lightly.

"Do what?"

"Everything… Anything… when you just know you're gonna end up alone." I tilted her head upwards so that I could look her in the eyes. I didn't want to disillusion her, but I wanted to be as sensitive as I could. I had never considered that we would ever come to this, though it should have been obvious that we would. Carmen and I were in the same boat now. We were the only ones that were going to be left and neither of us had anyone. It seemed unfair that she should have to turn to me, seeing as I was a contributor to her pain, and a giant wave of guilt washed over me.

"Carmen, I'm not going to lie to you. I really, honestly don't know. I just… I push it all aside. I try to convince myself that everything is okay and that everything will be okay and I keep myself busy. Why do you think I've always got my camera?"

She sniffled and lowered her eyes. I didn't talk; I just wanted her to think about what I said, hoping she would be formulating her own way of dealing with things. After a while, I figured I should address the fight. "You know, what you said to Mimi…" I trailed off, unsure of how to finish. I didn't really believe she was wrong. Maybe a little harsh, but not wrong.

"I know it was uncalled for," she sighed. "I just can't believe she left me on my own today."

"Yeah, I know." She laid her head down on my shoulder once more, fresh tears rolling down her cheeks.

We stayed that way for a while. Eventually she gazed up at me, a small smile playing on her lips, and then gently placed her hand on mine. I hadn't even realized until that moment that I had been stroking her arm. My chest tightened and I fell into that familiar feeling of fear mixed with excitement mixed with anticipation and hesitance. I always felt that way when she got too close. She spoke to me, but I couldn't hear her because my heart was beating so hard. "…Sorry?"

"I said thank you for staying with me," she repeated, gently running her fingers over mine and up and down my arm. I felt my face grow hot. Didn't she know what she was doing to me? How good she felt? I shut my eyes and leaned back against her bed as her lips found their way to my skin. She kissed my shoulder a little more firmly than she had my neck a week earlier.

"It feels nice to be away from everyone right now," I admitted, thinking that there was a lot more going on that felt good, but not willing to voice it.

"Get used to it. After a while we'll only have each other."

I opened my eyes and found her looking down at her hands awkwardly. Deep down, I knew that she had just told me how she was going to deal with things, and as much as I was flattered, I felt guilty and afraid. I didn't want her to have to depend on me to be able to live her life. She was so young – why did she associate living her life with who she had beside her? I was about to launch myself into a long talk about it when I caught the look in her eyes. She looked as if she felt happy and safe, and her eyes sparkled with hope. I couldn't take that away from her. "I'll be here whenever you need me, Carmen."

Carmen thanked me and shifted in my lap. I released my hold on her so that she could get comfortable, unsure of why I was still there now that she felt better, but I didn't move. She stood and offered me her hand, expressing her concern that the floor was too hard for me. It was, but I hadn't let it bother me. I hugged her once more, letting her know that I was glad she was okay and tried to leave, but Carmen grabbed my hand to stop me. When I looked at her, I saw the fire in her eyes blazing and passionate. It was when she kissed me that I finally reacted. Well, my body reacted. To her. I returned the kiss heatedly, before quickly coming to my senses and pushing her away, panicked. "No," I told her firmly. She reached up and caressed my cheek. She begged me not to go. Her gorgeous brown eyes shimmered with tears. That's when I gave in to it. I was hurting her, and I couldn't stand it anymore. I only wanted her to be happy.


	10. Chapter 9 Part 2

**A/N: I had written this big long smutty scene and it was fabulous… but it wasn't the right time. So my apologies for the lateness, but this chapter needed a huge overhaul. I still don't like the ending le sigh. More will come. There is somewhere I want to go with this now.  
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_**Meanwhile…**_

Mimi and Roger had been talking for a long time, and Roger was surprisingly not on her side. He talked his girlfriend into understanding Carmen's anger – after all, he had once felt the very same way; felt that very same anger towards April. He knew how painful and tormenting it could be to feel abandoned, and as he comforted Mimi through her tears, he explained in a more calm and rational way than she had managed herself why Carmen had blown up. The way Roger saw it, Mimi was like April and her mother was like AIDS – Carmen was angry and afraid of being left alone with no-one else to call her own in the same way that Roger had been angry and afraid of being left alone with nothing but his disease. Roger holed himself up in the loft for a year because of it. Hopefully Carmen had just released all of her pent up emotion, and they could move on from it and enjoy the rest of their time together without any bitterness.

Mimi climbed back in through the window, with Roger close behind, and apologized to Maureen and Joanne who were sitting alone on the couch. However, they clearly weren't bored. The lovers broke apart, mumbling that it was fine and not to worry, but secretly disappointed that they had been interrupted.

"Where's Mark?" asked Roger, settling himself on the metal table. Maureen and Joanne looked around, surprised that he hadn't yet come back.

"Well, he's in Carmen's room," said Joanne.

"So either she's really, really upset or they're… busy," Maureen finished with a wicked grin. The others grinned along with her, unsure of whether the latter scenario was likely but amused by the thought all the same.

_**Back in Carmen's room…**_

Mark leaned back in toward Carmen, hands now sliding down and around her waist as his lips pressed against hers. They had been sharing kisses for what seemed like an eternity. He parted her lips, letting himself slip deep into the kiss. The smallest distance between them wasn't worth keeping. He kissed her deeply, and he felt a hand venture down to press against his chest lovingly. Carmen kept it there as she kissed him, offering a sweet moan into his mouth. His heart sped up at the sound, and warmth spread over him. With each kiss, it was getting harder and harder to pull away. When they broke away this time, she looked up at him with longing in her deep brown eyes.

They didn't speak, but they gazed at each other for a long time. There was an understanding between them that had been communicated without words; they knew where they were headed. Carmen hesitated, knowing what she had to do, but she kept her silence instead. She didn't want anything to ruin the moment.

Carmen kissed him hungrily. He groaned, adoring the sensation of her hand going through his hair and the second one on his back. He gently trailed his hand down over her breasts, further and further until he reached the hem of her shirt and slid his hand up inside it to touch the warm skin of her stomach, not once pulling away from the kiss, just in need of more contact. He couldn't get enough of her.

Suddenly they were moving towards her bed. He pulled his hand out from beneath her shirt and gently lifted it up over her head. His eyes eagerly roamed her body as she slipped his own shirt down his arms after swiftly unbuttoning it. His breath got caught in his throat as she looked him over, admiration in her eyes.

Mark had never experienced anything like this in his life. She trembled when he put his hands on her skin. No girl had ever reacted to him the way she did. He slowly and carefully eased Carmen onto her back, staring deep into her eyes as she looked up at him. She was trusting – she gave herself to him wholly, letting him take the lead completely and taking pleasure in every little thing he did to her. As he slid her panties down past her ankles, he caught a sense of nervousness coming from her. "Are you okay?" he whispered, pressing a light kiss to her mouth. She offered a nod and a half-hearted smile, but he wasn't convinced. "What is it?" he asked, his brow furrowed with concern. Carmen took a deep breath, afraid of what his reaction might be. She was so close and she didn't want to stop, but had the feeling he would want to after being told.

"I just… I'm… I haven't…" she trailed off, unable to find the right words.

"You haven't…?"

"I haven't ever done this before… ever."

She couldn't look at him, embarrassed and ashamed that she had let it go that far before saying anything. Mark's eyes widened. He was not at all expecting that from her but he didn't express his shock because he didn't want to heighten the embarrassment he could already see in her face. "Uh… okay, well… right." he supported himself on one hand and used the other gently caress her cheek. "Do you want to stop?"

"No," she admitted. She had meant it to sound firm and confident but her voice shook, giving away her nerves. Her only qualm was that she knew everyone would hear if she made any sound. That and she knew it was going to be painful. But she trusted Mark – she might have even gone as far as to say she thought she loved him – and trusted that he would be gentle and caring and would make it as pleasurable as possible for her.

Mark lay down on his side and pulled Carmen close. She willingly snuggled into him, taking comfort in the heat his body offered. His hands drifted over her curves, only lightly touching her skin, but Carmen felt like sparks were shooting from the places he made contact; she was aching for him. A slight gasp issued from her mouth when she felt him up against her and she reflexively cast her eyes downwards. Bashful, Mark pressed the sheets between them, providing a barrier and a shield from her prying eyes. Carmen smirked up at him before pulling them away.

"No," he said although he couldn't keep the smile from his face, and he replaced the sheet. He distracted her with kisses but only succeeded for a minute or so; her hands were soon sliding down his torso, sending his body into shivers. "Carmen…" he warned as she moved closer to her target. "Don't."

"Why not?" she asked, pressing kisses to his neck and obediently moving to rake her fingers through his hair. Mark took a moment to calm himself before answering.

"I don't think it's right to do this," he explained. "Not now."

Disappointed, she removed her lips from his collarbone. "Not now or not ever?"

Mark stared into those deep pools of chocolate. He saw her hear and skepticism and could completely understand it; he had led her on before but he had no intention of doing that this time around – they had passed the point of no return as far as he was concerned and he was starting to fall for her despite all of the walls he had raise around his heart.

"Not now," he reassured her, lightly brushing his lips against her hands. "Everyone's out there and they could walk in any second. It wouldn't make a very good experience for you."

And he wanted to make it as good as possible for her. He wanted to show her how sorry he was for turning her down; for hurting her and for misleading her. Laying beside her felt magical. How could he have not wanted this? The truth was that it has been so long since he'd been made to feel so loved and wanted; so long since any girl has looked at him in complete wonder and adoration the way that Carmen did.

"We're already in a pretty compromising position," she pointed out, pushing her hips against his. "And you didn't have a problem with it before."

"You're relentless," he laughed. "I'm putting my clothes back on before you rape me or something.

"I would never!" Carmen gasped in mock incredulity. Mark snorted, putting his shirt back on. "Okay so maybe I'd _try_," she admitted sitting up and covering herself. "But, Mark… it's not rape if you want it." Mark gave her a stern look and tossed her panties over. She giggled and pulled them on before finding the rest of her clothes and dressing. Mark let his eyes travel over her body as she moved. He noticed various scars over her stomach and arms that had never previously drawn his attention. His brow furrowed in consideration of what may have caused those scars, and when their eyes met she asked him what was wrong.

"Your scars," he said, unsure of what else to say. For a moment she looked sad, but as soon as the look was there, it was gone again.

"Oh. That… I got into a while bunch of mischief as a kid. War wounds from my escapades, that's all." Mark nodded, but didn't believe her. "It's nothing," she insisted. He didn't press the issue any further.

_**Out in the living room…**_

Joanne was walking Mimi through her basic rights in regards to inheritance having given up on Carmen leaving her room. Maureen and Roger were arguing over who was the greatest superhero of all time.

"It's _not_ Catwoman!"

"It is too!"

"Maureen she has no superpowers!"

"Neither does Batman!"

"She's a _villain_!"

"_Anti-hero_," she stressed as if it were the most obvious thing in the world. Roger let out a groan of frustration.

"Tell me one good thing she's ever done!"

"She can pull off a leather jumpsuit. That makes her my hero. Anyway, Superman is _lame_."

"Superman is the greatest hero of all eternity!"

"_Laaaaaaaaaaame_."

Before Roger could manage to slap Maureen upside the head, Mark emerged from Carmen's room. They all fell silent, causing Mark to wish he'd stayed in there, but he and Carmen were hungry after being in her room for three hours.

"Uh, hi… everyone."

"How is she?" Roger asked, concerned that Carmen hadn't come out herself. He didn't want her to hole herself in her room like he had done for such a long time.

"She's feeling a bit better. Still a little upset at Mimi."

"Yeah? Well I'm still a little upset with her," snapped Mimi without looking up from her papers.

"You should go in there and talk to her," Maureen suggested. She didn't like to see her friends upset, especially not at one another. Mimi felt all their eyes boring into her, so she looked up and around at each of them.

"Fine, be she has to – have you been fucking my sister?" The sudden change of topic caused everyone's heads to snap around in Mark's direction.

"What? No!" he exclaimed, hurrying over to the kitchen.

"I don't believe you!"

"Mimi, I didn't!"

"Yeah, right!"

Mark ignored her and fixed a couple of sandwiches while the others watched on, curious as to how Mimi had come to the conclusion that Mark had slept with Carmen. Before going back, he turned to her. "I'll tell her you're coming in to talk," he sighed. "I don't know what makes you think that I…" he trailed off, blushing.

"Your sweater's inside out," she told him.

"It got warm in there," he replied. _Balmy, more like it…_

"Your hair's all messy."

"Well, we did kind of kiss… a bit." _A lot…_

"Your fly's undone," Mimi finished with a smirk. Mark flushed red instantly and fixed himself up. "So did she tell you she was a virgin?" she asked, still angry and hoping to cause some tension between the new couple. Mark ignored her and slipped into Carmen's bedroom when Roger distracted everyone else with his loud exclamation of disbelief. Within minutes, Mimi entered and Mark left the sisters alone to talk it out. He believed that they could work this out and would soon be as close as ever, but really wished they would hurry up and get it over with – Maureen and Roger were staring at him with looks of cruel determination on their faces. He was up for a whole lot of teasing.


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: Okay, so I'm having a little bit of trouble getting exactly where I want to go with this. I'm thinking up many scenarios and none of them are working for me, but I think I'll be okay. With a little help from my muse, it'll all work out… This chapter starts directly after the previous chapter.  
**

* * *

  
Carmen only glanced up before returning her attention to her sandwich when Mimi came in. Mark squeezed her hand reassuringly before leaving, and the two girls were alone, both with their eyes cast away from each other. Mimi climbed atop Carmen's bed and sat opposite her, turning her attention over to the plate resting on Carmen's lap. Carmen slowly pulled her sandwich apart, toying with it more than actually eating anything, and the sisters stayed there in silence. It wasn't an uncomfortable silence; just an unsure, pensive kind of silence. Without saying a word, Carmen looked up at Mimi and offered the second half of her meal. Mimi smiled gratefully and took it. She only had to look into Carmen's eyes to know that it was a peace offering – that she had been forgiven and that the offer of water that came a few seconds later was an apology.

Outside, Roger and Mark sat nervously glancing in the direction of the bedroom door every few seconds; Joanne and Maureen had left and it seemed too quiet. Roger half-jokingly suggested that one of the fiery Latinas had committed a silent murder before sneaking out the window. Mark smiled half-heartedly, knowing that Roger – as uncharacteristic as it was – was only trying to ease the tension. It was nerve-racking to think that two such passionate girls were working through their issues in complete and utter silence. After an hour, it became call too much to bear and Roger decided to check on them. Slowly and cautiously he pushed the door open, eyes widening as he focused on the scene in front of him.

Carmen was propped up by several pillows with Mimi curled up against her. Evidently day had worn them out, for they were both sleeping quite peacefully. Seeing Roger's expression, Mark curiously headed over; smiling when he saw the sisters in their embrace.

"Looks like it all worked out," he whispered.

"Why can't she and I fight like that?" Roger mused, thinking back to all the times in the past that he and Mimi had yelled and screamed at each other - glass objects had been smashed, walls had holes punched into them. The situation before him became increasingly unbelievable with every moment.

"Should we leave them?"

"No, Carmen's going to hurt her neck," replied Roger, noticing Carmen's head lolling. A fly on the wall would have been amused at Roger and Mark, standing in the doorway much like parents checking in on their children late at night. Each of them had identical looks in their eyes – love, adoration and a little bit of pride.

Quietly, they tip-toed over to the girls. Mark loosened Carmen's grip on Mimi and Roger lifted his girlfriend from the bed. She stirred a little, but only enough to wrap her arms around Roger's neck. He kissed her hair lightly and headed out, but stopped at the door. "Hey, Mark." Mark turned to face him after easing Carmen onto her back and covering her with the sheets. "That's your girlfriend, there," he whispered with a grin, nodding in Carmen's direction. Mark glanced down at her and returned the grin happily. _That's my girlfriend…_

_**January 9**__**th**__** 2am EST**_

Mimi woke to find she was snug against Roger's chest. She remembered waking only very briefly as he'd picked her up from her sister's bed, but didn't remember when he'd joined her. He was snoring lightly, the moonlight highlighting the blonde in his hair. Mimi reached over and brushed a stray eyelash from his cheek, causing him to sniff and tighten his grip on her. Sighing, Mimi laid back and stared up at the ceiling. Shadows danced on the ceiling as she let her thoughts wander back to the conversation she'd had earlier with her sister.

"_You know it wasn't on purpose don't you?" _

_This was the first thing either of them had said. Mimi felt it was so important to get it across to Carmen – she had never intended to hurt her or to leave her behind._

"_I know. It's just really frightening. You're all I've got, Mimi. I feel like I failed because I've always taken care of you, and…" she threw up her hands, as though to say she gave up._

"_Oh god, Carmen it isn't your fault… I left… baby, you didn't know what I was doing. I never told you because I knew you'd stop me. I wanted it all and I wasn't about to let you get in my way."_

"_I let you do stupid things before," Carmen pointed out. Mimi smiled knowingly._

"_Staying out late and getting drunk doesn't really compare to what I got up to when I moved here."_

_The pair lost themselves in their own thoughts for a while._

"_You know she moved onto me when you left," Carmen said softly, her head bowed. Mimi clenched her jaw, angry and ashamed._

"_I had a feeling."_

They were talking about their mother. Maria had made a sport out of physically abusing Mimi, and torturing Carmen by making her believe it was her fault her sister was being hurt. After Mimi left, Maria needed to get her sadistic fix somewhere, and Carmen was the perfect target. Fortunately, it didn't take long before Tony finally figured out what had been going on – Carmen had been taught to cover the marks on Mimi, but found it hard to do for herself – and left, taking her with him. If Mimi hadn't been so selfish – if she had been a better big sister to Carmen – she imagined that things would have turned out much differently.

A noise from out in the main room made Mimi's head turn. She heard a door open and shut, footsteps across the loft and then another door open and shut. Mimi smiled to herself, knowing exactly what was going on.

Carmen groggily padded over to Mark's bed. She could have sworn she heard a gunshot outside, though it could have been a dream. In his bed, Mark woke to find someone slipping in beside him. Although he was still half-asleep, he didn't have to open his eyes to know who it was. He opened his arms up and felt Carmen curl up to him. He lightly kissed her hair, and she closed her little fingers around his shoulder. They drifted off together, and they both slept better than they had in a very long time.


End file.
